A Play: Dr. Sccrendo goes to Tesla about the forum

A Play: Dr. Sccrendo goes to Tesla about the forum

Please note that no identifying names have been used and no animals are hurt in this play.

First, a theme;

@ SCCRENDO said "This all began with climate change deniers. Many went onto the sites just to troll. Eventually excellent longstanding threads were flagged. I tried to settle things down by working with Tesla to reinstate important threads.They also prevented non-owners from flagging and reinstated individual post flagging. This has helped some.

Act 1, Scene 1:
At the clinic.

Receptionist 1: Oh my lucky day: Here comes Dr. Sccrendo!
Receptionist 2: OOooh! We havent seen him for awhile..
R2: He is so absorbed with that Tesla forum.
R1: But he just had 2 weeks off work.
R3: Mind if I butt in?
But that was sick leave.. he has been so depressed lately. Something has got to him. Or gotten. I sooo wish Brian H was here to hep me wif me gramma.

Enter Dr. Sccrendo.
Dr. S: Trixie get me Tesla Motors on the phone.

Trixie; Butt I am called R1 here.
Dr S: That is just your desk name here. You are anonymous, remember?
Trixie: OOOh!
Dr S: I never touched you.
Anyway get them now!
(R2)Lilbean: Do you think it is Elon?
Sklancha: Or JB?
Lilbean: Fancy Elon!
Sklancha: Fancy JB!
Both together: Fancy Elon and JB together!!
Trixie: I dooo like them fancy!

Dr. S: Enough of that. They are not my patients, I want to speak to Tesla Motors.

Dansplans: hahaha. Talking to a motor now. hahahaha. And lol.

Trixie: Dr S, they said they dont talk to just anybody, they dont talk to real people.
Dr S: Tell them it is a doctor.
Trixie: They said they dont talk to doctors either. They said they only talk to doctors to sell them cars.

Dr. S: Tell them I am the endocrinologist.
Trixie: Ooooh! They said Elon and JB will see you right away then.

Lilbean: Which one is which?

Dr.S: No witches, @Lilbean. Wizards. I am off to visit the Wizard of Tes.


Act 2: The journey to see the Wizard of Tes

Dr. Sccrendo: Hello, who are you?
Silver: Fancy dat. You ta’kin to lil ole me. My name is SilverP85plus.
Dr. S: From now on you will be known as The Tin Man.

They walk some more.

Dr. S: Who are you? Are you a troll?
Hello good sir, no sir, not at all sir, thank you kindly. My name is Topher.
Dr.S: Join us , good man, we are going to see the Wizard of Tes.
I will rename you shortly, as soon as I can think of one. I was going to call you Sage, but that is already taken.

They walk some more.

Dr. S: Who are you?
……: Oh, my name is Ross. I feel stuffed, absolutely stuffed.
Dr. S: Join us , good man. You seem to be a screw missing but you may enjoy a walk to see the Wizard of Tes. From now on you will be known to me as the Straw Man.
Straw Man: Why are you riding that bike when we all have to walk.
Dr. S: Because I am saving the planet.
Straw Man: How you doing that SCCR? Dont poor people ride bikes?
Dr S: I am saving this beautiful planet in two ways, one is by riding and occupying this illustrious machine known as a 19 speed bicycle built by..
Straw Man: 2 many words SCCR. Short posts are good.
Dr. S: Regardless , I am also saving the planet by asking Tesla Motors to consider the forum which has come under needless risk . While, even as we speak it is degenerating and
Topher: Thank you kindly.
Dr S: after I was rudely interrupted, I am saving it from its members destroying each other.
Trixie: Huff puff and more huff, I caught you. What members are you talking about Dr. S?
I am always interested in members!
Dr. S: Idiot. Where’s McLary when you need him?
Trixie: Are Elon’s and JB’s members destroying each other?
Dr. S: I may have to extricate them from the hubris. We might need to dismember their members.
Trixie: OOOH, Can I have one?

Act 3:

mntlvr23 | 06. September 2016

You wrote your play !!! I will have to read it later.

Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Act 3:
Scene: On the journey.

Dr S: who wants to play Dorothy
Teslatap: I've got my hand up.
Dr S: But I want someone smart.
Teslatap: But I am I am, I can prove it. I've got a website!
Dr.S: You can be Toto. Follow me.
Teslatap: No, I follow Dorothy.
@Red Sage: Hey, I am pretty wise. Can I be the Wizard of Tes?
Dr.S: No @Red. You can be Dorothy.
Dorothy: Yeah, right. The 2018 Model S will be a completely new desogn but only if the Model 3 rampup is completed by 2017 (Q4) but in any case..
Dr.S: Shut up Dorothy.
Trixie: Someone posted about Shut Up from the Wikipedia site, Who was that, smart guy?


Ross1 | 06. September 2016

ACT 4: The beginning of a communication breakdown on the journey:


Ross1 | 06. September 2016

ACT 4 contd:

Dr.S: Hark and listen, strain your ears and..
Straw Man: Short posts are good posts.
Trixie: It is music to my ears. Actually, it is music...
Music: Ta de DA. Ta de Ta..Brt Brt etc
Red Sage: Yes you are right @ Trixie, that is music. It is The Last Post.
Straw Man: Short posts are good posts.
Dr. S: Yes, I have it now, it is indeed the last post.
Trixie: Read it Dr. S.

Enter Mntlever; Enter mntlever.
Dr.S: What is it mntlever?
Mntlever: It is the last post.
Dr.S: Idiot, I ksaid already it is The Last Post.
Mntlever: No, it is the latest post. There never will be a last post.
Dr.S: Well, that is why we are going to see the wizard of Tes.
Anyway, what does the latest last post say?
Mntlever: It says you are all liars and hypocrites.

All together;singing:
Liars and hypocrites
Liars and hypocrites, bullies are we.
Liars and hypocriotes
Liars and hypocrites
From sea to shining sea.

Los Angeles, New York and Texas,
We are the very dregses.
On to see the Wizard
From doctor down to lizard
Liars and hypocrites,
Liars and hypocrites are we...

Brian H: You missed some commas,
liars and hypocrites are thee.

Liars and hypocrites are we.
Liars and hypocrites are we.
Join us as we march to save the planet,
Liars and hypocrites are we.

GHammer | 06. September 2016

unnecessary Ross,


Silver2K | 06. September 2016

"Trixie: Someone posted about Shut Up from the Wikipedia site, Who was that, smart guy?"


Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Dr.S: Mntlever, what else does the post say?
Mntlever: It says that if you had a head wind you wouldnt have to pedal so hard.
Dr. S: Really?
Dorothy, what do you say to that?
Dorothy: n 1983 General Motors tested the effect of extra wind in the lungs, but it was inconclusive due to gas in the exhaust,..
Dr.S: Shut up Dorothy.
What we need now is for everyone to relax and take a deep breath,
Dsvickhead: I smell..
Tinman: you do too
Dr.S; a deep breath and bring peace to the journey.
Trixie: Oooh I love peace. Back in the 60s at Woodstock,
Strawman: Actually I got a fright at Burning Man, I thought I was going up.
Dr.S, a deep breath
TeslaTap: Consistency is good but mindless repetition can be an issue...
Dsvickhead: I smell again
Tinman: Yes yes dat man has bad tummy
Dr.S: Are you sure I wouldn't have to pedal so hard into a head wind?
Dorothy: I consulted with people who are tertiary educated in math and physics, it seems there are several possibilities.
Dansplans: I propose a bet on it.
Strawman: I dont bet.
Dansplans: If I win I continue the journey to see the Wizard of Tes, if you win you must leave the group, now.
Toto: How will we now who wins?
Dansplans: I will know. Trust me.
Lilbean: I trusted you once, now my pic is all over the internet.
Dansplans: Trust me. Better still, I am going to change my mind. By the way, did you see those goal posts we just passed? They need moving. I am proposing we get royalty to judge. Whatever he says will go.
It will go by the bye, but at least it will be a judgment to abide by.Or not, as the case may be.
RXLawdude: Stuff it all
Straw Man: Not me, I am already stuffed.
Dansplans: Voila le jury!
Trixie: Hey, you are Frog?
Dansplans: All hail the judge!

Enter Earl Nagin.

mntlvr23 | 06. September 2016

. or - Enter Merle and Negan

"Lilbean: I trusted you once, now my pic is all over the internet." - Iol, I knew there would be a gem somewhere.

Ross1 | 06. September 2016

ACT 5:

Voice: Hey you bunch of trolling idiots!
Dr.S: Hark, who comes?
Voice: I am trying to fish?
Dr.S: But who are you? Have you the flu? I propose you see an expert in the field.
Voice: I am an expert . I am in a field. I am minding my own business.
Dr S: Well, you may well have been , but now I see you, I know you well. Very well.

Dansplans: dansplans | September 6, 2016
Ask and ye shall receive:

Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Straw Man: Alas, Hammer, I cast you before I even heard your comment. It seems you are not the only fisher casting in these troubled waters. But thanks for the flag.
Hoist the flag, everyone, and on we go.

Liars and hypocrites are we, etc

lilbean | 06. September 2016

This made me giggle. :)

Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Hammer: You are ruining my fishing!
Topher: How, good sir? Thank you kindly.
Hammer : Ask him:
Dorothy: In 1687, an experiment failed to..
T90KWH | September 6, 2016
Ah yes, but not all the water (spray) gets lifted to the same height,nor is it all travelling at the same speed. I didn't get a degree in fluid mechanics, but I'm guessing that even someone who does would struggle to give a comprehensible explanation of the maths - and that's just the additional drag on the line, let alone the other several additional drag factors like the fish.
Dr.S: Let there be peace.
Dansplans: Hey hey does the jury have a decision yet?


Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Lilbean: A giggle is always handy at such a sad time.
Lilbean: I think you are sweet. Drop me a line. Giggle.
Hammer: I am FISHING SWEETHEART! Get off my line now or I will flaggelate you!
Trixie: Me too, PLEEEEASE?

lilbean | 06. September 2016

Hee hee!

Ross1 | 06. September 2016

Enter man with bag;
Tin Man: Who dat?
Andy : Tis I.
Tin Man : Wot dat you want?
Andy: I want for nothing.
Tin Man: Wots your name den?
Andy: Tis I, Andy.
Tin Man: Whats your other name?
Andy: Connor.
Everyone: OHhh NO.
Dr. S: What do you want to say?
Andy Connor: Elon, if you're running out of money, start a fundraiser. I'll donate $20.

SCCRENDO | 06. September 2016

Ross. Thank you for the complement. Not a bad portrayal.

lar_lef | 06. September 2016

if such lengthy works are ok on forum, maybe i'll post my novel.

T90KWH | 07. September 2016

Missed some of the references, but thanks for all the fish.

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

@lar-lef: Is your novel this good?

lilbean | 07. September 2016

Have you seen the climate thread? Lol.

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

ACT 6:
Tinman: Look dat! Look dat!
The Earl: I don't have the time nor the patience.
Dr.S: I certainly have the patients.
Trixie: And I have the time...
Dorothy: For once I am lost for words. But what can it be?
Trixie: Dr. S, which way up is it?
Dr.S: Well, sometimes, umm, life deals a bad card..
Trixie: Look, its moving. Its a unicorn!
All together: No its not, well, it is, but it is Bighorn!
Bighorn: Good one. Not everyone here is as smart as you, or me. Awesome analysis, don't expect to get the last word though.
Unshod Bob: How could that happen? How could Bighorn be here? How could he hijack our thread?
Bighorn: I am what I am.
Unshod Bob: B b but, I think he is just a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I get tired of using my left thumb, so I use my right thumb, and look and lo and behold, I pressed the wrong button and..and...and
Dansplans: Unshod Bob, you have just corrupted my website with that illegal transmutation.
Dr.S: Suffer not little children. Daddy can fix it. Daddy will get rid of Bighorn.
Trixie: That looks familiar, bossdoc.
Dr. S: Uhuh.
Tin Man: Wot dat?
Dr.S: Hormones. (administers injection to unicorn)
Dansplans: Hey hey he is still here! He won't lay down and die. Its not fair! Call the army in!
Dr. S: Dansplans, shut up.
Trixie: Hey, Bossdoc? the horn is gone.

lilbean | 07. September 2016

No! Will the tailwind help bring him back?

lar_lef | 07. September 2016

I doubt it- sales have not put me first on New York times best sellers list.

mntlvr23 | 07. September 2016

This play is unfortunately woefully deficient of murder, sex and car chases.

KP in NPT | 07. September 2016

I hope the part of The Wizard of Tes will be played by Mclary.

SCCRENDO | 07. September 2016

Ross. The critics have arrived. Time to spice up the play

Silver2K | 07. September 2016

how did @SCC get the shut up line. this play is rigged! :)

BozieB | 07. September 2016

I blasted thru al of this, Just to get to the comment section....

What does this have to do with a Tesla Forum???

Silver2K | 07. September 2016

it has everything to do with general @BozieB

mntlvr23 | 07. September 2016

It is kind of like "The History of the World - Part 1"

mntlvr23 | 07. September 2016

It is kind of like "The History of the World - Part 1"

SCCRENDO | 07. September 2016

@Bozie. Nothing. Just testing Ross's literary talents. He still has work to do.

dsvick | 07. September 2016

Wait! What?! sorry, I smelled something and was distracted ... did lilbean mention pictures? | 07. September 2016

@Ross "Please note that no identifying names have been used and no animals are hurt in this play."

Hey, I'm an animal and I'm hurt. Well, not really hurt. Still an animal.

Where's the Final Act? Was it cancelled before it's time :(

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

ACT 7: (and it hasnt been flaggelated out of existence yet)

Trixie: I am still waiting for my flagellation..
Tinman AKA SilverP85plus: Soon. Dat real 'soon'.
Vickhead: Brainless.
Tinman: Hey whatsup Doc?
Dr.S: Yes dear boy?
Tinman: Why am I here?
Dr.S: You didnt come for nothing Silver.
Tinman: No sx or politics.
Dr.S: You are brainless. You have come to get a brain from the Wizard of Tes.

Enter children, lots of kids, scores of kids.
Children: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet.
Dr.S: It is getting a bit long winded. Lets roll it up.

They cross a river.

Voiceover; BOO!
Another Voiceover: BOO2!

Sklancha: OOooh, I love it. It looks just like me!
Voiceover: You will never get there.
Redshift: You are a troll.
Troll: No I am not.
Sklancha: Oooh, am I a troll too?
Tinman: No, you Angel.
Sklancha: But they said you didnt have a brain..
Tinman: Ugh. Huh. Lol.

Dr.S: Who belongs to those kids?
Red Sage: They belong to Lord Jeffery, doc.
Dr.S: Doctor.
Red : Yes, doc.

Twins, triplets, quads and quins: Are we there yet?

We are they
Of the internet, Hypocrites and liars are we.
Tertiary educated
With many a degree.

Tinman: Hey doc, you changed the tune?
Dr.S:We all need to change our tune now guys, we are approaching the pearly gates.

TeslaTap: No religion either.
Dr.S: Right. I didnt use capitals.
BrianH: Capital, just capital.

They arrive at the said encrusted gates.

Dr.S: Hmmm everyone. Nice Model Ses.
Straw Man: Models S .
Dr.S: What I said punk!
Brian H: Models S is the correct form of many Model Ses, well you know what I mean

Straw Man: Can the fora all go in?
Dr.S: Suck it and see.

Tesla Receptionist: Welcome to Tesla Motors1
Dr.S: we already are Tesla Motors.
T.Rex: 9short for Tesla Receptionist): Oooh, join the club.
Dr.S: No thanks, we prefer Tesla Motors over TMC.

T.Rex: Ummm, you can't come in.
Dr.S: You dinosaur, why not?
T.Rex: Because you are dressed inappropriately to enter the Temple.
Dr.S: But I am wearing my allover Tesla cycling gear, I look absolutely stunning.
T.Rex: Yes, you do.
You know, we can see through that.
Dr.S: Are you calling me a liar?

(Chorus outside)

Dr.S: I will have you know, I am the emporer.
T.Rex: Yes.
Tin Man: Look , the emporer has no clothes!
Trixie: Yes. I've been looking for ages.
Tin Man: Wot dat?

T.Rex outfits Dr.S in more suitable attire.

T.Rex? Do you have an appointment?
Dr.S: I am the Emporer.
BrianH: Capital.
Dr.S: we are here to see the Big Boss of the forums.
Straw Man: Fora.
Dr.S: Whatever, fora forums flora for us.

She hands out the Tesla ID cards.
Dr.Sccrendo: Nice.
Trixie: I rather you like you were a minute ago.

T.Rex: Come with me.
Dr.S: Shut up.
Tinman: Shut up. That's my line.

There is a big green curtain.
Red Sage: Yes there is a big green curtain, I always said there was a green curtain and it will be big, and a curtain.
Tin Man: Shut up.

The curtain opens. Have we completed our journey?

dansplans | 07. September 2016

The journey will be complete when everybody takes their meds I believe.

KP in NPT | 07. September 2016

Are there candy dishes full of Xanax behind the curtain?

Rocky_H | 07. September 2016

Red Sage: I know the green curtain is big, but it only holds the equivalent of 3 gallons of gasoline.

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

ACT 8:

Dr. Sccrendo: Oh Uh Ugh.
Tin Man AKA SilverP85plus: That's my line.
Trixie: I like it when you talk funny.
Tin Man: Like what Trix?

Trixie: Er, look!
Redshift: Vaporware, vaporware!

Straw Man: No, it is not vaporware, it is here and now. There is a special thread I created for Vaporware.
T.Rex: Actually, vaporwear is what your good , but misguided, Emporer was wearing when y'all came in..

Red Sage: Oh no, I didn't expect this!... I was wrong.
Topher: Thank you kindly.
Lilbean: Looks familiar...
BrianH: Only to be expected. I beg your pardon, I should say, It is only to have been expected.
Dr.S: Oooh, woe is me, shame and scandal in the family!

McLary; I caught up. What's up doc? Idiots!
vperl: Stalker! And more idiots. Buy a KIA. Be happy.
Thats all I know. Buy a KIA, be happy.
Tin Ma; Shut up your face.

Straw Man: You got that right, if you are addressing me. More stalks to you. Or hops or whatever you are on.

T.Rex, sweeps aside the curtain for everyone to enter, except Lord Jeffery's kids, because Lord Jeffery is on jury duty in New Zealand:

Meet our illustrious Big Boss of the forum...
Someone, I forget who: One should not finish sentences with a row of periods.

Dr. S; I should have known.
I saw the Model Xes in the carpark...
Straw Man and BrianH: Models X. (One period from B and ...from Straw.)
One or two had familiar plates. Out of state. A nice red one ..(I think its red).

Red Sage: I knew it all along.
Dr.S: Then why didn't you say?
Red Sage: Too busy talking.
Straw Man: Short posts are good posts.

Big Boss: Welcome folks. Excuse my alligator, he is sort of a pet.
Lilbean: He is cute, the alligator I mean. Could I get him to give me a tummy tuck?

Dr.S: Why an alligator?
Big Boss (not bb): I use him to chop peoples' heads off.
Sklancha: I might be an Angel but that thing ain't no saint.

Big Boss (not bb): Anyhow folks, roll right up, enjoy!

Trixie; Oh George, I love you George

Brian H: You don't even know the gentleman. Good day, Mr Hawley.
Topher: Thank you kindly. My mother always used to say, good manners will get me in anywhere.

The END.

KP in NPT | 07. September 2016

I wanted drugs. :(

lilbean | 07. September 2016

Nice work, Ross! Wow! So funny!!

mntlvr23 | 07. September 2016

This was an obvious rip-off of Nosferatu.
Though it was an interesting twist - I didn't understand the flashback scene at all.

Silver2K | 07. September 2016

this was very funny

Ross1 | 07. September 2016


Wizard of Oz

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

which/what flashback scene, can I help (as I was there lol)?

mntlvr23 | 07. September 2016

Nosferatu? The symbolism and obvious homage, of course.
Flashback scene? LOL, the whole thing was a flashack scene. | 07. September 2016

If the average "play" lasts for 90 minutes and has an average dialog rate of 200 words per minute, the average play would consist of 18,000 words. The material above falls far short of that and might better be called a "skit". But what do I know? I'm just an old, over-the-hill engineer. 😢

lilbean | 07. September 2016

Hi, @george! Good to see you here :) I was starting to worry about you.

NKYTA | 07. September 2016

@george, "skit" or "scat"? ;-)

...quietly exits stage right.

Let the play continue...

Ross1 | 07. September 2016

I'm looking for someone to cast as GRUMPY with Snow White and the 7 dwarfs