Model S

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De-ICE Man Coneth

edited October 2014 in Model S
He struck when dawn approached, with a determination he barely knew resided within him. He had suffered enough. Having pushed himself to the brink of financial ruin by purchasing a Model S, he could no longer tolerate the ICErs, those smug, oblivious, fossil-fuel consuming fools who blithely hogged the Tesla parking spots at the Greenwich, CT southbound Merritt Parkway supercharger.

So he planned. Bided his time. Then, with a stunning display of dexterity, he placed a bunch of orange traffic cones in the middle of the Tesla parking spots, each cone prominently displaying a sticker "No Parking: Space Reserved for Tesla Charging"

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Then, summoning courage welling deep from within him, he . . . ran away really quickly, tripping over loose gravel as he raced to his Model S to speed away, before any of the ICErs could catch him. And they were chasing him, he was sure of it. He could feel their hatred, their ignorance. If only he could get to his Model S before being captured . . . He knew that once inside, the instantaneous thrust from the 1,600 lb battery would catapult him to safety.

He fumbled with the fob, so frightened that he forgot the foremost feature of the front door, the automatic presentation of the door handle. He scrambled inside, threw the car into drive, and raced down the Merritt, onto Route 287, then veered sharply onto I-95 north towards the Connecticut shoreline, his anonymity assured by the clogged traffic choking off the air supply.

He would return soon, disguised with his new Pano sunshades, to measure the impact of his heroism.
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Comments

  • edited November -1
    Great! What a writing talent you have. Thanks for the laugh!
  • edited November -1
    Really fun to read.
  • edited November -1
    I would have put them in the front of the spaces.

    At a mall nearby, several j1772s got that treatment.

    While EV drivers are willing to get out, move the cones back, and replace them when they leave, it is incredibly effective at deterring ICE-hogs.
  • edited November -1
    But kudos anyway. Eventually I suspect all Superchargers will get this.
  • edited November -1
    Perhaps in the spirit of self presenting door handles, there could be rotating cones that flip over and present a flat surface when a Tesla arrives. If Batman could have a flipping barricade and James Bond could have rotating license plates, I don't see why we can't have an electronic middle finger.
  • edited November -1
    I'm gonna buy a bunch of these to keep in my trunk to distribute around some nearby SuperChargers. When I went through Macon, there were 8 slots, 6 were iced and two were empty. I'll just leave one at each spot and wait for the next Tesla owner to put them in the respective spot when they leave. Eventually they'll propagate to all the slots.

    http://tinyurl.com/ofmupk2

    Yeah, automatic something-aruthers would be cool but these are cheap and Tesla would probably never do it themselves. Several other SC spots I've been to would never be ICEed so they're not necessary. Tifton, GA, Lake City, FL, and St Augustine, FL, are not as likely to be ICEed so probably don't need them.
  • edited November -1
    I also vote for keeping little signs handy that we can attach to the supercharger signs stating that violators will be fined and/or towed at owner's expense. Who cares whether or not it's true.
  • edited November -1
    well done! yeah i agree with logicalthinker, they should be placed furthur up so the ICErs see them before they pull in.

    thanks!
  • edited November -1
    My hypothesis is that were you to go back tomorrow, you would find the cones gone. Unfortunately.
  • edited November -1
    I like Amped Realtor's thought.

    But make it professional looking or people will ignore it.

    Actually here in FL it is illegal to ICE a charging spot. At a nearby whole foods there are posted signs re: non electric vehicles are subject to towing and a $250 fine.

    Yet when I go by there, there are frequently ICE cars parked there.

    I think the local PD will get to know me after a while...
  • jjsjjs
    edited November -1
    @AmpedRealtor - Your suggestion seems to hold truth in the same regard that Broder did. Sorry, but that's the truth.
  • edited November -1
    He had misjudged the community. He was sure that he would face ridicule and condemnation. Instead, he had to face the sobering reality. They were nuttier than he was. And more obsessed.

    And they had good ideas. Like, placing the orange cones more in the center of the parking spaces. Use professional-grade signage threatening to fine the ICErs, and tow their cars!

    Maybe a movement was afoot. Occupy Supercharger Stations. Our weapons would be our dedication and passion, along with orange cones and big stickers that would be really hard to scrape off.

    Yes, stickers. Super Sticky Stickers to plaster on the windows of the ICErs, just like those used by Sanitation Departments when parked cars didn't move for street cleaning.

    Stickers of Shame. Maybe something like:

    "THIS VEHICLE VIOLATES TESLA SUPERCHARGING REGULATIONS.
    As a Result, A Tesla Owner Could Not Charge His Car in a Timely Fashion. A Cleaner Environment is Up to You.

    (Remove with Warm Water and Scraper)"


    This was a job for a gutless weasel with nothing better to do with his time than engage in this kind of activity.

    In other words, this was a job for Code Orange.
  • edited November -1
    Careful with the sticker idea. People have landed in the clinker for marking lip gloss on another person's car. = Vandalism.

    Don't touch somebody else's stuff.
  • edited November -1
    Someone over at TMC found a polished fingernail in his tail light. Maybe it belongs to the gal with the lip gloss.
  • edited November -1
    That's what he told his wife I'm sure
  • edited November -1
    Some ICEers are just clueless. Some are definitely Bad Attitude. You can't always tell the one from the other by their vehicles, although a jacked-up monster diesel pickup might be a hint. I would avoid putting stickers on ICEers, and not just because it might be illegal. If Mr. Bad Attitude comes back to his ride and sees Mr. EV messin' with it, things could get real ugly really quickly.
  • edited November -1
    +1 @Code Orange. I'm entertained :)
  • edited November -1
    (I definitely don't condone the idea of ICE wars - I think we can kill 'em with kindness. But I love the writing style)
  • edited November -1
    @logicalthinker, that's pretty clever - ICE-hogs.

    I thought they were ICE-holes.
  • edited November -1
    What would be really cool is if someone would paint green tarmac signs at superchargers. Because the land is leased by Tesla the host has no say in this. Tesla wouldn't do anything either.

    You can buy concrete paint at homedepot and it is easy enough to create some stencil templates for print outs. Maybe that's the next idea to try out if the traffic cones don't work.

    <img src=http://oi62.tinypic.com/35ktjig.jpg&gt;
  • edited November -1
    All hail the coming of the De-ICE Man!
  • edited November -1
    @Teo- This is the best of all ideas!! This is kind of common sense so I am baffled as to why Tesla would not have done this in the first place. Spending as much as they do for a SC station, the extra $100 would be miniscule in the context of the cost but would likely have a big impact on the ICE men.
  • edited November -1
    @teo "What would be really cool is if someone would paint green tarmac signs at superchargers. Because the land is leased by Tesla the host has no say in this. Tesla wouldn't do anything either."

    This is one of the more clueless statements I have seen on this forum. Tesla does not lease any of its charging locations in public spots. It does have some chargers at leased locations where it has other facilities, such as service centers and showrooms.

    Tesla, and all of the other charging companies, operate under reciprocal easement agreements which specify very specifically what can be installed and where, as well as any related signage and lane markings. Properties that I own have dozens of charging stations under these terms, including two Superchargers, and two (soon to be three) Tesla showrooms. The fact is that except in a very few locales, and Florida is generally not among them (although some municipalities may have enabling ordinances), EV charging spaces cannot be officially or legally restricted from ICE parking. This is because when the parking ratios were initially established at original approval, the shopping center, office building, or other facility was required to provide a specific ratio of spaces per sq. ft. of retail space. This cannot be reduced legally, so the reciprocal easements established with Tesla, Blink, Chargepoint, etc, allow only advisory signage and there is no legal restriction at all. Same goes for expectant mother parking, employee of the month parking, etc. The only enforceable parking restrictions in most locales include loading, handicapped, official vehicle, and the like. In the vast majority of the U.S., towing or ticketing for misusing an EV charging space is not legal, and land use rules would not allow this to change except in rare instances.

    I find that EV drivers are among the most frequent and flagrant abusers of charging spaces. My wife and I have had six incidents so far where EV's sat unplugged for hours in charging-equipped spaces inside office buildings in DC and Baltimore, blocking us from obtaining a needed and pre-planned charge boost. In each case we leave a "What are you thinking?" note on the car using post-it's that we keep in the glove box for this purpose, but my sense is that a lot of EV drivers are so self-important and narcissistic that any message about polite charging station protocol is lost on them anyway. Until we clean up our own house we have little right to demand special treatment from ICE drivers.

    Bottom line on the above comments is that any self-initiated lane marking by EV drivers is illegal vandalism, pure and simple. Leaving behind anything in the space, such as a cone, is littering and an eyesore, violating the property owner's rights, and potentially enraging the non-EV public, endangering our movement toward sustainable transportation. The more in-your-face we become, the less likely this effort will be to succeed. Let's take it down a little.
  • edited November -1
    Better Tesla signs would help. They are not very clear that is it Tesla charging <I>only</I>.
  • edited November -1
    +1
    Is the DE-ICE MAN making an appearance at Comicon?
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