You ain't gonna believe this sh!t...
We were headed to Busch Garden in VA for the long weekend on Saturday. It was just several hundred feet away from the entrance when this vintage Firebird, with a chicken embossed on his hood pulled up next to me on the left at the traffic light. Of course he rev'ed his engine a few times looking for some actions. I told him to fork off and silently moved over to another lane and continued to the park.
5 minutes later we were all lined up to 8 booths to pay for parking at the entrance. Of course I took the shortest queue on the right as everyone else was 20 deep on the left and middle lanes. As I approached the booth, a knucklehead in a MB SUV cut across 4 lanes and almost T boned me. Of course I honked him as he started to cut across. He stopped violently but was dumbfounded that I was in HIS lane.
Hours later, after the park was closed, we stopped by Richmond, VA supercharger for some juice 50 miles away. 15 minutes later, a local cop stopped in front of my car in a deserted mall before midnight. She got out with her hand on the holster. Whoa, what's going on?
"Sir, we have a report of a suspected kidnapping with your car fitting the description."
"I will gladly show you my junk, err, I mean trunk."
"This is the factory installed jump seats with 5 point harnesses. As you can see, my kids are sleeping there comfortably."
"Alright, carry on. False alarm."
Yeah, I gave the kiddies each a pair of pillows and a giant fan to circulate air in the trunk. I even rigged a pair of LED strips to light up every time the trunk was opened. They were very comfortable. But the last time it happened, it was 5 years ago with a handful of squad cars surrounding mine in Long Island.
And to top it off...
We were headed back up north, just after Baltimore on I-95 N around 5 PM on a lazy Memorial Day. Another schmuck went from the middle lane to cut someone off on the left lane, almost causing a rear end accident. The trailing car moved over to the middle lane in disgust.
I was going along with traffic at less than 80 MPH, about 4 seconds behind. So naturally, I looked for an escape lane to my right but started slowing down just in case.
Just a few seconds later, the aforementioned schmuck swerved erratically between lanes trying to avoid something on the road. It was a mattress protruding from the shoulder on the left lane.
Said schmuck failed miserably and hit it anyway. He continued to oversteer to the right, then left, then to the concrete barrier, while his left fender disintegrated in the process.
It was all in slow motion for me as I jumped over to the next lane in the middle to avoid the jerk. As luck would have it, the schmuck ricocheted off the barrier and shot 4 lanes over to the right and eventually caught by the guardrail.
It turned out that I started a chain reaction of brake lights in time and NO ONE hit that poor schmuck as he was playing bump a car by his lonesome.
How was that for another AP 0.0 victory?
You can't make this sh!t up...
PS - I was not wearing short shorts. I love to go commando...