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We need car jokes

We need car jokes

We are all getting anxious waiting for our 3s to be built. I'm reading a lot of snarky answers to simple questions.
What we need are car jokes (not '*Car Name Here* is a Tesla killer.' - although that is kinda funny).

Here's mine:

A penguin was driving his ICE car when it began to shudder and smoke. He took it to the closest garage to be checked. The mechanic began to look at it.
The penguin saw an Ice Cream shop across the street and went over to get a cool treat. When he came back to the garage, the mechanic shook his head and said, "It looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin, embarrassed, wiped his beak and said, "No, it's just ice cream."

mntlvr23 | 12 september 2017

that's a penguin joke - not a car joke, lol

mntlvr23 | 12 september 2017

nevermind me, lol

mntlvr23 | 12 september 2017

a little free-writing here:

A Beemer 3-Series, Audi A5 and a pri*est walk into a bar. The two ICEs each ordered a wine and then proceeded to whine about how their sales have been dropping - since potential customers are holding out for Teslas. Each related stories about how dozens of their relatives were stranded at the top of public parking garages in Florida, since they had so many of them on the new car lot going unsold - and they wanted to keep them from getting ruined in the flooding just in case Tesla flopped and somebody eventually wanted to buy them.

This whining went on for hours, bit*ching about Tesla and relating FUD about how Tesla's state of charge needed to stay strictly between 45% and 55% at ALL TIMES, lest the battery wear itself out. They made fun of Tesla and the fact that they stupidly left the oil pressure gage, the tachometer, the check engine warning light and other vital dials off of the dash board - IDIOTS!

They drank wine after wine, as they whined - and were getting somewhere close to 6 glasses a piece - when they noticed that the pri*est hadn't drank a thing. The Audi inquired why this was so, and the pri*est replied that he never drank before administering last rites.

The two ICE's got real quiet and apologized - saying that they were sorry that someone the priest knew was so ill. They inquired "Did we know this person?" The pri*est (who owned a Tesla) slowly shook his head in disbelief and calmly said "Dudes, it should be obvious that it is the two of you. Why do you think I asked you here tonight - I much rather walk into the bar with the Rab*bi and Minister like I normally do"

the end

cquail | 12 september 2017

An elderly man had always wanted a fast car, so he bought a Tesla.

He immediately took it out on the highway to see what it could do. He got up to speed and then pushed it some more and then more yet.

Then he noticed a state patrol car behind him with his red lights flashing. His first thought was to out run him, but then thought he had better not at his age.

When he pulled to the side of the road, the officer approached him and told him he was speeding.

Officer
"I should give you a ticket, but it's Friday afternoon and late into my shift. If you can give me an excuse I have not heard before, I will let you off with just a warning"

Elderly man, after some thought

"Several years back a state patrol officer ran off with my wife. I thought you were bringing her back".

Officer

"Have a fine afternoon, sir. You are free to go".

TheChad | 12 september 2017

You auto know better than to put up a post like this.
Gimme a brake.

mntlvr23 | 12 september 2017

@TheChad - You exhaust me. Let me axle you one question, "Why do you try to muffle free speech?" If you tried that in my hood, you would get the frunk beaten out of you. Your post is really piston me off. Maybe you thought you were funny, gas again. Everyone here is tire of you. Please leaf.

carlk | 12 september 2017

Cop pulled over a Model S that is going too slow on the highway. There were four old ladies in the car so he asked the driver why she's going so slow. The old lady answered isn't the speed limit 21 mph officer? The cop laughed and said no that's the road sign for highway 21. Then he found the passengers were all pale and trembling. He told them it's nothing serious I was only going to give her a warning. Finally one passenger said it's not that but we were just getting off highway 125.

Xerogas | 12 september 2017

...but on both highways, the old ladies' AP2 told them the speed limit was 45.

Nexxus | 13 september 2017

Sammy the snail was retiring, so he bought himself a Model S. He would drive it around town so everyone he knew could see it. One of his friends saw him speeding down the street one day and exclaimed: "Look at that "S" car go!

dsvick | 13 september 2017

To keep up the penguin theme ...

Q. What did the penguin say when he lost his car?

A. "Where's my car?"

jaroslawbednarz | 13 september 2017

When is a BMW faster than a Tesla?

When it falls off a cliff.

hoffmannjames | 13 september 2017

@jaros LOL

JAD | 13 september 2017

@jaros, no, actually a P100D is faster than gravity. Pulls about 1.2 G's of acceleration. Also, the Tesla is more aero, so would fall faster as well :)

andy.connor.e | 13 september 2017

The joke is you. You are the car joke. Because you're a joke.

carlk | 13 september 2017

Sigh BMW is hopeless. Not even when it falls off the cliff.

ReD eXiLe ms us | 13 september 2017

An AUDI, a BMW, and a Mercedes-Benz roll into a bar.

The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

mntlvr23 | 13 september 2017

A typewriter salesman, a Kodak film salesman and a GM new car salesman walk into the unemployment office.....

andy.connor.e | 13 september 2017

An AUDI, a BMW, and a Mercedes-Benz drive into a bar. The Tesla's EAP evaded it.

Iwantmy3 | 13 september 2017

When is a BMW faster than a Tesla?

......

When trying to stop on an icy road.

mntlvr23 | 13 september 2017

An Audi, a BMW, and Mercedes Benz drive into a bar.
All of the patrons start coughing from the fumes.
The bartender gives the three a nasty look and points to the sign
"No Emissions - or No Service"
The three get up and leave.
The table of Teslas smile buy a round for the bar.

Xerogas | 13 september 2017

A VW executive says they will build electric versions of all 300 models by 2030

...that's it. end of joke.

Mozart | 14 september 2017

A young man had always wanted a fast car, so he bought a Tesla. He immediately took it out on the highway to see what it could do. He got up to speed and then pushed it some more and then more yet. Then he noticed a state patrol car behind him with his red lights flashing. His first thought was to out run him, but then thought he had better not. When he pulled to the side of the road, the officer approached him and told him he was speeding.

Officer
"I should give you a ticket, but it's Friday afternoon and late into my shift. If you can give me an excuse I have not heard before, I will let you off with just a warning"

After some thought, the young man said...

My wife is going to get pregnant today and I want to be there when it happens

95dawg | 14 september 2017

https://www.google. com/search?q=car+jokes

PhillyGal | 14 september 2017

A beautiful blonde was driving her brand new Tesla to Disney World, autopilot was working flawlessly.
She knew she was approaching the park and disengaged. She got off the highway and saw a sign that said "Disney World Left."

So she frowned, then turned around and went home.

hoffmannjames | 14 september 2017

@PhillyGal That's a blonde joke, not a car joke. ;)

CV63 | 14 september 2017

New M3 owner, excited about the cars performance, slams the accelerator at a green light. Seconds later he sees a patrol car desperately trying to catch up to him. He pulls over.

M3 - "Sorry officer, was I driving too fast?"

Officer - "No, flying too low!"

ReD eXiLe ms us | 14 september 2017

...so the Bear gave the Rabbit a ride in his brand new Tesla Model 3.